Archive for April, 2009
Furious, I couldn’t speak to him for about a week. It was early in the morning on Valentine’s Day that he finally admitted he was gay. I was beside myself with confusion and anguish. He had been my first true love and it could never be. Knowing that he wanted to be with men filled me with all the logical self-doubts. “Did I somehow “turn him off” of women?” “Was he ever really attracted to me and if not, does that mean I’m attractive at all?” Above all I was downright broken-hearted.
I’ll never forget my best friend’s reaction to me telling her the news. She immediately came over and took me out for whatever junk food dinner and ice cream I wanted. I couldn’t believe how much that helped. The love of a friend is the best medicine. Over the next few months I came to terms with everything. I spent a lot of time alone examining myself, looking in the mirror. I’ve always seem myself as moderately good-looking and I just needed to remember that. I spent a lot of time with friends (he and I had never had many mutual friends so that worked out). I even subscribed to some online dating sites! Nothing ever came from that but just getting responses made me realize I couldn’t mope all day! As soon as I opened myself back up I found another guy to occupy my time ‚Äì he and I had 3 good years together.
My friends, my faith in myself, and my ability to stay open helped me through my ordeal. And ice cream!
