It hurts. It really hurts and there is nothing you can take for it. Except good care of yourself. Heartbreak is a terrible shock to the system and the pain at the end of a relationship is hard to get through, but here are my top ten tips :
1. Cry. It might sound crazy but I do recommend crying. You have suffered a loss. You need to accept that loss and grieve for it. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends and family to help you as you come to terms with it.
2. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t say “If only I had …” or “If only I hadn’t….”. The end of the relationship doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure.
3. Be positive. Look honestly at the relationship and ask yourself if it was really what you think it was. Then learn from it. Use what you learn to make your next relationship even better.
4. Don’t rush into another relationship. You have value as an individual. You don’t have to be part of a couple. I agree that the world is based on couples and families with 2.4 children but if you look around, there are a lot of single people who lead full and happy lives. Learn to be happy with yourself, then you can be happy with someone else.
5. Do remember you are special. Just because you are no longer your ex-partner’s special person doesn’t mean you are not special and don’t deserve to be treated well. Go out and give yourself a treat regularly.
6. Love and romance are not everything. Now you have an opportunity to nurture your friends, family and self. You may also find you have time to do some of those things you’ve never had time for before.
7. Now is the time to re-evaluate what you need in a relationship. We often repeat the same mistakes until we learn from them. Is there a pattern to your relationships?
8. Be prepared to take risks again. Just because this relationship ended in heartache doesn’t mean you have to drop out of the game. It hurts so much because you allowed yourself to feel deeply for someone and you want to feel that again, don’t you?
9. Forgive. Don’t try to get revenge. Cut your losses and move on. Holding onto those feelings of anger will only slow your progress in healing from the hurt.
10. If you can’t forgive and move on, then maybe you should consider getting counselling. Friends and family love you but maybe they are not really objective. A counsellor to listen to you without any preconceived ideas, who is trained to help you, may be a better bet. After all, taking care of yourself is your priority.
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