You and your romantic partner recently broke up. You are feeling lonely, discouraged and hurt. Be comforted in knowing that there are steps that you can implement in your life today to start feeling better about yourself, and simple actions you can take that might just draw your ex back to you.

(1) Develop independence.

Prove to your ex and to yourself that you can survive and even thrive on your own. Work on being happy as a single person, even though you would rather be back in a relationship with your ex. Consider reading a well-respected self-help book on healing from a breakup. Invest time into building your self-esteem. Avoid begging your partner to return to you. Desperate behavior is a major turn-off. Genuine self-confidence is attractive to anyone, and if your ex observes you becoming more self-assured, they will likely show deeper appreciation for you.

(2) Nurture yourself physically, emotionally and mentally.

Ensure that you are eating a healthy diet based on fresh fruits and vegetables. Drink lots of water. Take a multivitamin every day. During emotionally difficult and stressful times of one’s life, including after a breakup with a romantic partner, your brain and body require more nutrients, care and vitamins to help repair the damages of stress. Work on doing deep breathing exercises every day. The best way to deal with stress and anxiety is to exercise regularly, so try to build in thirty to sixty minutes of cardiovascular exercise into your schedule three to four times per week. Whether or not you eventually resume your relationship with your ex, it is important that you learn to take care of yourself.

If everything does get resolved with your former partner, they will appreciate that you are committed to maintaining a healthy diet and exercise program. Hopefully they will even join you with eating a healthier diet and with exercising regularly. If you unfortunately do not get back together, then you want to get into tip top shape for meeting someone else someday.

(3) Take time away from your ex.

Make the most of this time apart to stop and reflect on your relationship with your ex. What were the problems that you two were experiencing? What were your major areas of conflict? Are these problems resolvable, or are your values and opinions too different to find healthy compromises? Discipline yourself to have minimal to no contact with your ex, to provide emotional distance for your own sake, and so that you ex has an opportunity to miss you.

Discipline yourself to stop calling your ex, emailing your ex, messaging your ex and of course visiting your ex. See if time away from you will motivate your ex to want to repair the damage done to your relationship and resume a healthier, more loving relationship with you. During this painful period, try to make the most of the newfound time that you have to pursue a favorite hobby, such as singing, dancing, painting, yoga or horseback riding.

(4) Reflect on the concerns that your ex shared about you and your relationship.

Did he/she think that you were too critical of him/her? Work on being more accepting and open-minded. Did your ex think that you had problems managing your anger? Study simple anger management techniques and put them into practice. Was your ex concerned that you weren’t committed to him/her? Take time to reflect on your relationship goals and the qualities you want your future spouse to embrace. Hopefully within several months, your ex will be willing to give you and your relationship a second chance.

You want to be able to show your ex that you really do value their thoughts and feelings. You want to be able to show your ex that you have been working on changing the behaviors that concerned your ex in the first place. If they are able to observe genuine, long-lasting change in you, they will likely be more willing to reunite with you.